As Kobe is getting older he is reminding me more and more of Kyle. This year with Kobe from age 2 to 3 is the last year I had with Kyle. I was looking through pictures of Kyle when he was the same age Kobe is now (which I posted just a few of above) and just remembering what our life was like then and how completely unaware we were that it could ever change. The thought that it was our last year with him never ever crossed my mind. It's terrifying how things can change in the blink of an eye. How someone you love and can't imagine living without can be taken away forever. How one split second can radically change the rest of your life.
I just miss him so much. I miss him the way I knew him at age 3 and I grieve for not knowing him at age 6. I have a 6 year old son, he should be here running around with the rest of the crew and a part of our everyday life. Instead he is a memory, a picture on the shelf, in my heart forever but no longer in my arms. His voice and laughter don't fill our home and while at one time I could never imagine life without him, now I am left trying to imagine life with him. I wish Kobe could be growing up with his big brother in his life. I wish Katie had her best friend back. I wish there were 4 car seats in my backseat instead of 3. I wish I could kiss 4 sweet little faces goodnight instead of kissing 3 and whispering goodnight to the one I can't be with. I wish I could have all my children in my arms and know what that feels like even for a moment. I wish I had my sweet, beautiful son back.
6 comments:
You've done it again...I am sobbing right now. Your words always touch my heart so deeply. I wish you had all four of your precious children in your arms right now too. If I had the power to change that....I would do it in a heartbeat. Just know that I am thinking of you, Kyle, and all the whole crew always.
XOXOXO
I love those pics of Kyle. He is such a sweetie. I can see alot of him in Kobe. I hope that you will always have the strength to remind us of Kyle and commemorate his life. Take care friend. :)
The words "I'm sorry" coming from a friend who means so much more than just "I'm sorry" is pitiful. I could never figure out the right words to say to you to help with any hurting you are feeling... Just know that I am sorry for your loss, I'm sorry that you miss Kyle, and that you are hurting so very much. If I could take it away and give him back to you, I would in a second.
Love you always.
i love seeing those pics. i miss those concerts with yall, i miss that school and those dress up clothes they would try on...i wish i could go back to that day, i wish we could go back to one concert and watch the 4 of them run around, i wish we could have one more movie night and hear the pitter patter of their feet upstairs.
What a beautiful boy. I love those pics of him. I'm sorry your heart aches and that he's no longer there for you to hold :( It's not fair.
If there was one wish that could be granted to me and I could use it any way I wanted, for anyone, I would wish that Kyle was back with you. I wish it so deeply that it hurts.
On Saturday, which is the day you posted this, I was thinking about Kyle and I was terribly upset and sobbing. I don't know if our minds met and our emotions crossed over, but I just wanted to let you know that your loss of Kyle can bring me, someone who never had the honor of meeting your precious son, to my knees in tears.
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