Sorry it's been a while since my last post. We had a really nice trip going back to Texas for Thanksgiving, we got to see lots of family and friends, but unfortunately there were quite a few friends I really wanted to see that we just didn't have time to get together with. :( It's hard because with ALL our family and friends there, it's impossible to see everyone in just a few days. Next time we go back I think we will just have a big party or something so everyone can come over at the same time. We'll probably have a new baby by the time we go back again, so that will be a great excuse for a get together. :)
We were able to go out to the cemetary and decorated Kyle's place with Christmas decorations and made it look really pretty. It's always really hard going out there because everytime we leave I feel like we are leaving him behind there. I know that he's with us no matter where we go but there is just something about that being his physical resting place that really makes it hard to leave. I just want him with us, physically and spiritually, growing up, living and loving. I found a bunch of his clothes in my mom's garage, even the bag of clothes that were in his dirty hamper that I will never, ever wash. They are the phyical reminders of the life we had with him, his little shirts dirty with food he spilled or dirt he played in. A life left unfinished when he was suddenly stolen from us. I will keep those just as they are as long as I live. I've just been missing him a lot, the holidays always do that. Sometimes I can go through my days and occupy myself with the busyness of everyday life and then sometimes it just hits me to the core that he isn't here and I just miss him so, so much.
Anyway, Thanksgiving was really nice and it was so comforting to be with my family again, I never realize how much I miss them until I go back. Our anual camping trip to Enchanted Rock with the Parkers got rained out this year, we still went up for the day and had a really fun time though. I have a few pics I will post once I finally dig my camera out of the suitcase. I haven't even been able to unpack yet. That is where the "craziness" comes in....
We got home and literally hit the ground running. Kevin had to be at work less than 12 hours after our flight landed and had a big report due that he hadn't been able to finish so he had to stay up most of the night working on it. He's been really busy at work lately and I just wish so badly he could at least be working from home some of the time. I hate that he's gone so much and missing SO much with the kids every day. Even just a couple hours (the hours he'd save by not commuting) would make such a big difference for him and them. Kobe got so much closer to him while we were in SA for the week and was asking for him ALL day yesterday. :(
I've been incredibly busy spending an enormous amount of time trying to get this new business started, not to mention working on stuff for the Foundation, the IRS needs all this detailed stuff so we can get our 501c(3) and I've spent hours and hours getting it together. It is incredibly time consuming and it's hard to balance with also trying to keep up with all my responsibilities at home. I feel like I have 2 halves of my life that are both REALLY important to me, but both of those halves reallly need all my time and attention for me to be really successful at either one. If I start devoting the time and energy to the kids and the house that I need to in order to keep things running smoothly, i.e. making good meals for them, keeping things clean, laundry done, working with Katie on her school work, playing with Kobe, taking them out to do fun stuff - then I literally have ZERO time to work on anything else. My best days at home with the kids, where I really feel like I accomplished a lot, are the days I don't even get on the computer or even check my email at all. Then the days that I really work hard on stuff for the Foundation and make a lot of progress with the new business, on those days the house is a wreck at the end of the day, no laundry got done, the kids ate crappy food and I barely worked with Katie on any school work. It's so hard to find a healthy balance! I am really, super excited about our new business though, I'm trying really hard to get it launched before Christmas. I think it's going to solve a lot of problems for the Foundation's lack of funds and also for our personal financial situation and enable us to be a lot less stressed out - once I get it off the ground that is...it's just really hard in the beginning to get everything set up and started. Things are progressing though and hopefully I'll have the website live with products available in the next couple weeks!
Anyway, that's whats been going on over here, hopefully once this business is up and running things will settle down a bit. It's crazy right now, but I'm happy for it because I think it will all lead to really great things down the road. :)
Pictures from last week coming soon...
6 comments:
man, i can't believe kevin had to do that the day he got home! and stayed up all night. poor guy.
well we miss you already. let me know if i can do anything to help you. i'm here to help!
Hey Christine, missed you on Thanksgiving. I know...the holidays are always craziness. Maybe next time. I can't wait for the pics.
My heart breaks reading about how much you miss Kyle and all the little things. I can imagine I would have done the same - not washed his dirty clothes - hell, I probably wouldn't have touched his room in any way - I know a lot of families who lose a child can't bear to do that. I thought a lot about how you would feel being away from his resting place. Hugs hon (((()))).
We have the same issue when we visit the UK - we never have the time to see everyone and feel badly if we don't see everyone, but then we spend our time running around everywhere - it's hard to find a balance.
I am sure there are some days that Kevin could be at home....the double shifts have not started yet, but Qwest are running the show over there, but from my perspective, I don't see any reason right now that he couldn't have at least one day from home.
Glad you had such a nice time in SA visiting everyone! If you have a party next time you come down, I'll make a special effort to come see you too- ESPECIALLY if you have a new baby with you! LOL :-)
I just get so sad when I read about how much you miss Kyle. I mean, when I read your words... well, my heart truly aches for your loss. I can understand how you'd never want to wash his little clothes. I can imagine I'd be the same way. And I can understand how hard it must be to leave his resting place, how you say it's like leaving him behind. You describe your feelings so well.
Someone sent this link to me today and right away I thought of you. Perhaps you've heard it already. I liked the message: when we are sad, when we question WHY...God will always understand.
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=d5d4ee2c067a456e7c0f
I read your post a few days ago, and I was just too emotional to post a comment at that time. I have actually been running over in in my mind what I wanted to say, but I am truly at a loss for words. I will never understand what it is like for you to have face each day knowing Kyle will not physically be there with you to share the day with. And my heart truly breaks for all of you as you deal with such a devastating loss.
Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to miss someone I never I met because I am brought to tears every time I think about how much you, as his mother, must miss that sweet boy so much. There is literally a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes as I type this message. I'm sure Long would think I am crazy if he saw me weeping at my laptop.
Anyways I just wanted to let you know that not a day goes by that I don't think about and pray for you and your family. And every night I pray to God that he gives Kyle an extra squeeze for me. Somehow knowing that he is in the physical presence of God gives me some comfort despite the fact that I feel so broken for your loss here on earth.
May you be blessed today and always. I am praying that Kyle continues to warm your hearts this holiday season. I am sooo sorry he can't be with you. ((((HUGS))))
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